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How to Get Unstuck: Let Go of Old Hurts for Good! Part 1

Today’s post is a response to a question from one of our readers, and it’s a question I’m asked A LOT.

Here’s The Question:

This is a great Healing Prayer. Most of the hurt for me is from others. How can I use this for the hurt that’s been caused to me? I need to heal from this hurt so I can move on. I’ve tried but so far nothing has worked. Thank You again for this prayer.

I’m seeing lots of people run into the same issue- getting stuck by holding onto to old hurts, are you hitting this obstacle too?

There are two secrets to resolving this pattern for good.

The first secret is to address your hurt or pain with the person(s) directly. By expressing how you feel honestly and without blame, you create a foundation for open honest conversation to flow back and forth.

If this is new for you, don’t worry- we’ve got you covered.

To help you express yourself with ease, I recommend the Nonviolent Communication Process (NVC) developed by Marshall Rosenberg.

Click here to download your free 4-step Ultimate Communication Guide now!

It’s a clear and effective model for communicating in a way that’s cooperative, conscious, and compassionate.

The NVC model is a simple, yet powerful, 4 Step Communication Process. Here’s how it works:

Step 1. OBSERVATION: Observe what is actually happening in a situation: what are you observing others saying or doing that is either enriching or not enriching your life? The trick is to be able to express this observation without introducing any judgment or blame—simply say what someone is doing that you either like or don’t like.

2. FEELING: Identify how you feel and state how you feel when you observe this action: are you hurt, scared, joyful, amused, irritated, etc.?

Step 3. NEED: Identify what you need or desire and say the need(s) that’s connected to the feeling(s) you’ve identified in Step 2.

Step 4. REQUEST: Follow with a very specific request. This fourth step addresses what you want from the other person that would enrich your life or make life more fulfilling for you.


Using this 4-Step Process opens up an honest dialogue and helps communication to flow back and forth. The two parts of NVC are: 1) expressing honesty through using the four steps or components and 2) receiving empathically through the four components.

Here’s an Example of the 4-Step Process outlined above:
The person is responding to a text from a friend who has said, “I can’t go out to dinner with you tonight as planned, I’m too busy with work.

STEP 1. OBSERVATION: “When you say you need to cancel dinner because you’re too
busy with work,”
STEP 2. FEELING: “I feel sad.”
STEP 3. NEED: ”Because I have a need for connection with you.”
STEP 4. REQUEST: “Would you be willing to work tomorrow night instead?”

By using this simple 4-Step Communication Process, you open up a dialogue for communication to flow naturally.

NVC helps you express yourself honestly and listen (or receive) empathically to others. Doing so creates a foundation of safety and trust- the building blocks of loving relationships.

Click here to download your free 4-step Ultimate Communication Guide now!

And remember if you’re new at this, it may feel a bit uncomfortable at first, but with practice you’ll be pro in no time at all.

Bye for now. Next week I’ll give you the second secret to getting unstuck- letting go of old hurts for good!

© 2016 Lori A. Ostenfeld All Rights Reserved.

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